• Ariana Friedlander

As You Resolve to Grow in 2019 Consider the Stress to Benefit Ratio

It’s a New Year! A time where a lot of people like to set resolutions, goals, intentions…ya know, setting in motion a positive change in the coming year.

I personally stopped making New Years resolutions years ago because they never stuck. But I do like to take the time to step back, reflect on the previous year, and set intentions (or WOOP goals)…it might just be a matter of nomenclature.

Anyway, one of the reasons my resolutions never stuck before was because they were totally unrealistic, & involved a lot of wishful thinking. I might make a resolution to get healthy which involved working out more, eating better, doing yoga daily, waking up earlier, etc. etc. Every time I failed at keeping my resolutions I felt worse because I then saw myself as a failure, a lost cause!

Years ago, I was having a lot of health problems and they were totally stressing me out. I won’t go into the gory details here but suffice it to say I was exhausted, having digestive troubles, getting sick a lot, gaining weight, etc.

So, I went to see a Doctor to help me get better. The regiment she recommended to me was difficult and didn’t feel right for me. But I resolved to do something about it so I gave it a try. The solution actually stressed me out even more than I already was.

So I quit! I just didn’t have the stamina to follow thru. And for over a year I went into an even deeper funk because I felt like I was stuck. I had this story that I was a victim to my health problems and there was nothing I could do because of that one experience. I relied on coffee and carbs to get me through the day. And I lived with a lot of discomfort most every day in utter exhaustion.

Eventually, even coffee wasn’t getting me through the day. I reached a low that was undeniable, I had to do something. So, I set a simple goal for myself, change for a change, I just wanted to try to do things differently. I got a referral for a nutritionist that I heard wonderful things about and made an appointment.

When we first started working together I relayed my previous experiences and she listened with compassion. She agreed that the solution shouldn’t create more stress than the problem itself did.


Any change involves some level of stress, that’s to be expected. But when it creates more stress than is a benefit to me, my health, my business, my family, etc. I simply say NO.

There’s always more you could do in your life, in your business, in your job, for your family. It’s easy to get caught shoulding all over yourself and setting unrealistic resolutions as a result. There will always be people that espouse they can fix your problems and willingly tell you what you should do. But to choose to endure a greater level of stress in the name of what you should do isn’t going to help.

Only you know where the line is for your stress to benefit ratio. It’ll take time, introspection and nurturing your inner life to find it but it’s there. And once you’ve tapped into this knowingness about yourself you can draw that boundary quickly, swiftly and with resolve thereby limiting the damage physically, psychologically, spiritually and relationally.

So, as you resolve to grow in 2019 reflect on this question: Does the benefit of this change outweigh the stress to see it through?

Then approach your plans/goals/intentions/resolutions for 2019 as a series of experiments. Doing so gives you permission to learn from failures or setbacks instead of completely giving up just because you didn’t keep to your resolution as you initially had imagined you would!

What’s Rosabella Consulting Up To?

The New Year is off to a great start! We have a lot of fun opportunities coming up in the next two weeks for our paths to cross….


This Thursday Ariana will be speaking at the American Association for Safety Professionals Lunch n’ Learn on The Neuroscience of Conversation: What Every Safety Professional Needs to Know. You can register to join online here.

And next week (1/15), Ariana will be leading a workshop on Your Brain at Work in Conversation at the Larimer County Workforce Center. So if you’ve resolved to improve your communication, relationships and/or leadership skills in 2019 this workshop is worth checking out. Register online here, space is limited.

#Journaling

 

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