Some years start with crisp plans and fresh notebooks…and end with a pile of should’ves. Mine did. In 2017, right after publishing A Misfit Entrepreneur’s Guide to Building a Business Your Way , I mapped bold programs and growth goals. I was energized, clear, and ready. And then I wasn’t. A wave of unprocessed, complex trauma pulled me under. Tasks that used to be simple, sending a newsletter, attending a networking event, pitching a perspective client, felt like climbing a c

The other day, on the walk from my daughter’s school to the car, we overheard a teenager listing her instruments: “I know how to play piano. I know how to play clarinet…” My daughter, who’s been studying piano for 5 years, looked up and asked, “What does it mean  to know how to play the piano?” Such a simple question. Such a revealing one. We say “I know” as if there’s a finish line. But most meaningful skills don’t work that way. Knowledge expands. Context shifts. Our craft

Many of us grew up with a single story about Thanksgiving - a harmonious feast celebrating the harvest between pilgrims and Native Americans filled with shared gratitude. We have traditions, gathering with friends and family to give thanks. That white-centric narrative leaves out another living truth. For Native peoples, Thanksgiving is a Day of Mourning rooted in profound loss, violence, and ongoing harm. If you’ve grown up believing one story of Thanksgiving, holding both o

How to Lead Through the Misuse of “Therapy Speak” at Work Not long ago, a colleague described someone on her team as “toxic.” When I asked what she meant, she paused and said, “They make me feel bad.” That stopped me in my tracks. Because lately, I’ve noticed this pattern popping up everywhere—people using therapy or mental health language as shorthand for discomfort. “That conversation was triggering.” “They’re so toxic.” “I need to protect my peace.” Sometimes those stateme

Most of us have worked with someone whose negativity overshadows everything else. For one of my clients, this showed up in the form of her boss. Every time her phone rang and saw his name pop up, her first thought was, “Oh no, what did I do wrong this time?” The constant stream of criticism and rework of tasks she’d been doing left her feeling disempowered and drained. And yet, as we worked together, she realized an important truth: she couldn’t change her boss. What she coul

We all struggle with strong reactions that hinder progress - as parents, leaders, partners and friends. Over the years, I’ve found three simple practices that help leaders (and parents, and partners) manage their internal reactions.

Hi there,   It's that time of year - tea season! And we're brewing some exciting new things that'll be ready to share soon!!   So, keep your eyes out - especially on November 6th for what's next.   In the meantime, I'd love to hear what you've got going on? Send me an email, tell me what you're excited for this fall (and if you're not particularly excited right now, that's fine too, I welcome you just as you are because I'm all for keepin' it real).   Be well, Ariana Friedlan

I need to remind myself of this phrase every time I go out on a limb to promote my services: “Thank you soooo much.” That’s what a new client recently said, emphatically, to the person who referred me. On multiple occasions.  What leaders are up against This client is a CEO. Overwhelmed. Carrying a lot. Working hard to grow a collaborative, high-performing team while also managing…everything else. She’s smart and she cares deeply. She wanted to invest in her people. But she w

In one of my recent coaching conversations, a leader described the entrenched behaviors on their team: gossiping, silos, and in-groups vs. out-groups. On the surface, it looked like toxicity. Underneath, it was something more primal—our wolf pack brain at work. The wolf pack brain (AKA the limbic system ) is constantly scanning for safety and belonging. It drives us to position ourselves in ways that help us survive in groups. And one of the predictable triggers it responds t

When “Rude” Becomes Grounds for Punishment In my work with Parks and Recreation departments, I’ve seen a pattern emerge among staff at community centers. A patron might be curt, condescending, or simply unfriendly, and the immediate request from staff is: “Can we ban them? They were rude.” It’s understandable. No one enjoys being spoken to disrespectfully. Rudeness stings. But here’s the problem: there’s no policy against being rude. Unless a patron is blatantly harassing som

Lately, I’ve been fascinated by paradoxes—the tensions between what our human wiring tells us to do and what we actually need in order to...

When Needs Are Labeled “Selfish” A friend once shared how her dad used to call her selfish for the most ordinary things. If she needed a...

The other day, I was processing a stressful situation with a friend. At one point, she stopped me mid-story and said, “Ariana, you keep...

Last week, I had the privilege of speaking at CALCON, the Colorado Association of Libraries annual conference. I was excited to prepare...

Why shifting from reactivity to responsiveness is non-negotiable “My boss really needs to get better at identifying his triggers.” That’s...

I need to be reminded that life and beauty can persist in inopportune places.   As a "weed" started growing in the cracks of the pavement...

Challenging the Assumptions We Make About “Being Ourselves” The other day, during a listening training I was leading, a participant...

I once had a dear friend who also happened to be my roommate. She was incredibly thoughtful - always going out of her way to cook meals,...

The other night, I found myself wide awake, heart pounding, convinced we were painting our fence the wrong color.  Rationally, I knew it...

I’ve seen this time and time again—whether it’s working with librarians, coaching leaders, or even parenting my own daughter: who  the feedback comes from can be just as important as how  it’s delivered. Me playing piano at 3 years old. Take, for example, when I first led the assertiveness training for library staff. The manager wanted their team to set clearer boundaries with patrons and with each other. They wanted to avoid burnout or tense situations escalating. And while