In college, I worked at a school-to-farm program for high schoolers who needed a different kind of education than what public schools could offer them. I was working with one student in particular who loved photography. She also tended to see the world as black and white. If she perceived something as wrong, her mindset was fixed. If someone criticized her favorite singer, she would get defensive and fight back. Her fervor was so strong it was contagious, and for a brief mom

For most of my life, I thought reactivity was productivity. I didn’t call it that at the time, of course. I called it… Being driven. Being responsive. Being efficient. Being passionate. Being ambitious. But underneath all of that was a nervous system that had become deeply accustomed to urgency. A pattern that was quietly undermining my happiness, my success, and my health. And despite knowing better for years, I couldn’t do better. An idea would come to me, and I’d inst