When “Rude” Becomes Grounds for Punishment In my work with Parks and Recreation departments, I’ve seen a pattern emerge among staff at community centers. A patron might be curt, condescending, or simply unfriendly, and the immediate request from staff is: “Can we ban them? They were rude.” It’s understandable. No one enjoys being spoken to disrespectfully. Rudeness stings. But here’s the problem: there’s no policy against being rude. Unless a patron is blatantly harassing som

I’ve seen this time and time again—whether it’s working with librarians, coaching leaders, or even parenting my own daughter: who  the feedback comes from can be just as important as how  it’s delivered. Me playing piano at 3 years old. Take, for example, when I first led the assertiveness training for library staff. The manager wanted their team to set clearer boundaries with patrons and with each other. They wanted to avoid burnout or tense situations escalating. And while

My daughter has a friend who consistently illustrates just how hard it can be to hold a boundary.  Recently, she told me about a situation at school. There’s a clear rule: students do not ask adults their age. No exceptions.  One day, they had a guest speaker, and this friend of hers immediately asked, “How old are you?”  Her classmates quickly reminded her, “Hey, we’re not supposed to ask adults their age.”  And her friend’s response? “I know, I just want to know how old she

One of the biggest challenges leaders face today is balancing emotional intelligence with the need to get things done.   I recently spoke with a leader who shared a frustration I’ve heard more and more lately— emerging managers are spending so much time helping their teams process emotions that productivity is suffering . And it’s leaving them exhausted.   They want to be supportive. They want to create a psychologically safe workplace. But when every conversation turns into