Changing the Way we Approach Change

Many leaders care deeply about making things better.

They see a problem.

They want to address it.

They want to move things forward.

And yet, even with the best intentions, change efforts can fall flat when the conversation starts from certainty instead of curiosity.

I’ve seen this happen again and again in organizations, especially with thoughtful, capable professionals who are used to solving problems well.

Years ago, I worked with a client whose boss gave her a clear message early in her career: never bring me a problem unless you also bring a solution.

So she adapted.

She became incredibly good at thinking through issues before speaking up. She would assess the situation, map out the risks, and arrive with a solid plan. On paper, this made her look prepared and proactive. But over time, that habit became a liability.

As she stepped into more senior roles and the problems she was navigating became more complex, involving more people and more competing needs, her approach started creating friction. She would come forward with a polished, finite-sounding solution, and people did not respond well. They got territorial. They felt like decisions were being made around them instead of with them. Even when her ideas were thoughtful, the way they landed felt antagonizing.

Not because she was trying to steamroll anyone.

But because the process left no room for other perspectives.

And that is such an important leadership lesson.

Good intentions are not the same as good process

When we care about solving a problem, it is easy to become attached to our answer.

We tell ourselves we are being efficient.

We think we are helping by coming prepared.

We assume that if the idea is strong enough, people will get on board.

But none of us can see what we do not yet understand. We all have blindspots. One that’s easily overlooked in welling-meaning problem-solving efforts is naive realism. That’s the assumption that your perception is the objective reality and that others see things the same way you do.

So when someone proposes a “well thought out solution” and others voice disagreement or differing opinions it’s easy to get defensive or write them off as wrong. After all, you “already thought it through.”

The truth is we all carry biases and past experiences that shape our perception of reality. We need to engage people with other perspectives in order to have a more complete and objective understanding of the situation we seek to change. 

Seeking to understand other perspectives is not only objectively helpful, it’s also paramount for getting buy-in. When people feel like something is being imposed on them without their perspective being considered, their nervous system often reads that as a threat.

They do not feel included. They do not feel safe. They do not feel like their voice matters.

That is when resistance grows. Sometimes it looks like overt pushback. Sometimes it looks like quiet quitting. Sometimes it looks like disengagement, shutdown, or a lack of follow-through.

Whatever form it takes, the message is often the same: this does not feel like something I helped shape, so why would I help champion it?

Change requires more than a good idea

If we approach change too attached to being right, too invested in our own solution, or too authoritarian in how we communicate it, we make it harder for people to participate meaningfully.

But when we approach change through curiosity and connection, something different becomes possible.

We create space to understand how people are actually affected by the current circumstances.

We learn how they are using the tools, systems, or processes already in place.

We uncover what is missing.

We identify what support they need in order to do their work more effectively and efficiently.

And with that fuller picture, the solution gets better.

Not just more collaborative for collaboration’s sake.

Better because it’s more informed. More practical. More responsive to root issues. More grounded in reality. More likely to succeed because people are vested in the solution. 

Instead of being the lone champion trying to force change through a wall of resistance, you start building collective champions. People are more willing to engage when they feel heard, respected, and included in shaping the path forward.

The first move is not persuasion. It’s connection.

This is exactly why the first two parts of my Giving Feedback with CARE framework matter so much here.

Connection First means we begin by investing in the relationship. We prioritize building mutual trust with the people impacted.

Before pushing for action, before defending an idea, before trying to win buy-in, we connect. We create the conditions for openness. We make it easier for people to tell the truth about what is and is not working because we show that we really do care about them.

Then we Activate Curiosity.

We ask questions not performatively, but genuinely.

We seek to understand their perspective, their needs, their concerns, their experience, and their insight.

We make room for what we do not yet know.

That is not weakness.

That is leadership.

Because when people feel connected and when leaders are truly curious, feedback becomes more reciprocal. It stops being a one-way directive and starts becoming a shared process of learning, adapting, and moving forward together.

The goal is not to have all the answers

One of the most powerful shifts my client made was this - she stopped believing her job was to arrive with the answer.

Instead, she learned to arrive with a process.

Rather than saying, “Here is the solution and we need to implement it,” she began framing the challenge differently. She’d arrive with more questions than answers by expressing:

• Here is what we know about the situation/challenge.

• What are we missing?

• What questions still need to be answered?

• Whose perspective do we need to include in order to move forward well?

That shift changed everything.

Because once she no longer felt pressure to solve the problem alone, she could invite others into solving it with her. And that created the kind of collective buy-in she had been missing before.

It did not make change effortless.

But it made change more honest, more collaborative, and far more effective.

Changing the Way We Approach Change

There is a lot of change afoot right now.

In our organizations.

In our communities.

In the way we work.

In the expectations people carry into the workplace.

And while strategy matters, how we begin the conversation matters just as much.

When we lead change through connection first and curiosity second, we create the possibility for people to contribute rather than defend. We make space for better thinking, deeper trust, and more sustainable results.

That is not just a softer way to lead change.

It is a smarter one.

If this is a challenge you are navigating in your organization, my Giving Feedback with CARE training helps leaders build the skills to foster more open, constructive, and reciprocal feedback conversations, especially when the stakes are high and change is on the table.

Before your next change conversation, ask yourself: Am I walking in with an answer to defend, or questions that invite people in?

If you’ve found value in what I wrote here and you want to support me in continuing to create, guide, write, and make space for deeper transformation, I invite you to buy me a tea.

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