What Happens When We Bring Love Into the Workplace
- Ariana Friedlander
- 1 hour ago
- 4 min read
Not long ago, my daughter recalled a memory so vivid it stopped me in my tracks.
She described the colors, the sounds, what I said, and how she felt — all with crystal clarity.
“Don’t you remember, Mom?” she asked.
I didn’t.
To me, it was a passing moment. To her, it was a core memory — one shaping how she sees herself and how she moves through the world.
It’s wild, isn’t it? The same moment can live so differently in each of us. That’s part of the beauty and the complexity of being human.
The Moment That Changed My Work
There’s one moment I do remember clearly.
It was 2016, during my certification in Conversational Intelligence®. We often said this phrase that completely reframed how I approach my work…
“Being listened to feels so much like being loved, it’s hard to tell the difference.”
That line lodged itself in my heart. From then on, I made a commitment — to bring love into my work with clients, teams, and organizations.
Now, that might sound odd in the world of HR and leadership. Bringing love into the workplace doesn’t exactly fit what’s written in employee handbooks.
But I’m not talking about romantic love. The ancient Greeks had a word for the kind of love I mean, Agape.
Agape is platonic love. It’s the love of care, curiosity, and connection. It’s the love that helps us see each other as human beings first.
And here’s the thing, when we show up with that kind of love, our brains release oxytocin — the bonding hormone that fosters trust and empathy. It allows us to sync up with others, to communicate fluidly, to improvise like members of a jazz ensemble riffing off one another.
That’s the kind of connection where innovation and repair flourish.
Connection Builds What Contracts Can’t
I once worked with a client who had a $10 million partnership that had gone completely off the rails. While they had a detailed contract that spelled out their terms and conditions, it didn’t ensure their working relationship was functional or high performing.
By the time they called me, they couldn’t have a conversation without yelling and hanging up the phone on each other. Lawyers were consulted (and threatened to get involved). A meeting was scheduled to deal with the problem for once and for all. I was called to facilitate (because my client didn’t want the lawyers managing the conversation).
When we first met, my client said their trust was broken and needed to be repaired - they wanted our meeting to focus on that.
The other partner said, “Trust isn’t the problem,” and threatened not to show up if that was the focus.
My initial instinct was to push back. To assert my expertise. To prove that yes, trust was absolutely the issue.
But I paused. I called Judith E. Glasser, my mentor and the creator of Conversational Intelligence. And she told me something that changed everything…
“They want to feel connected to you, Ariana, not controlled by you.”
That sentence disarmed me.
So instead of convincing or correcting, I chose connection. I listened deeply. I validated their emotions.
In the end, I honored what mattered to them both. And something incredible happened. The meeting went better than anyone expected.
They not only reconciled, they celebrated. What began as a dysfunctional partnership transformed into a thriving collaboration that went on to generate millions more in contracts and positive impact around the world.
Love Is an Essential Leadership Practice
That experience affirmed something I now see everywhere: we can’t control our way to trust.
When we lead from control, from being right, defending, or dictating - people shut down. But when we lead from connection, from curiosity, care, and courage - people open up.
They feel seen, safe, and ready to repair.
Conflict is inevitable. Misunderstandings will happen. But how we meet those moments defines the trajectory that follows.
As Maya Angelou so beautifully said:
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
The Path Towards Connection
Choosing love, Agape, doesn’t mean avoiding hard conversations. It means entering them with openness instead of armor.
It’s remembering that relationships, not rules, are what move organizations forward.
It’s leading with empathy even when tensions are high.
It’s choosing connection over control.
Because when we do, even the most fractured relationships can transform.
This week, when you feel the urge to prove a point or defend your position, pause and ask yourself:
“What would connection look like here?”
That single question can shift the entire tone — and maybe even the outcome — of your next conversation.
Free Resource
If you’ve found value in what I wrote here and you want to support me in continuing to create, guide, write, and make space for deeper transformation, I invite you to buy me a tea.
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