There are seasons when life asks us to move differently than we'd planned. This year has been one of those seasons for me. A variety pack of health challenges has required me to slow down, pace myself, and accept that my capacity isn't what it used to be. While I haven't always welcomed those limitations, they've uncovered something I wasn't expecting — the stories I tell myself about productivity, self-worth, and what it means to make meaningful progress. The hardest part ha

In college, I worked at a school-to-farm program for high schoolers who needed a different kind of education than what public schools could offer them. I was working with one student in particular who loved photography. She also tended to see the world as black and white. If she perceived something as wrong, her mindset was fixed. If someone criticized her favorite singer, she would get defensive and fight back. Her fervor was so strong it was contagious, and for a brief mom

A few months into college, I stopped automatically evacuating when the fire alarm went off in the middle of the night. If you've ever lived in a dorm, you probably know the drill. The alarm blares. Everyone stumbles out of bed. People throw coats over pajamas and shuffle outside into the cold, grumbling as they wait for permission to return. At first, I followed the rules every time. But after enough false alarms - usually burnt popcorn, an overheated microwave, or someone ma

Like a lot of people, I’ve been watching the NBA Finals. But I haven’t just been watching basketball. I’ve been watching the nervous systems of the teams. Photo by Patrick McDermott on Getty Images As someone who spends my days helping leaders navigate difficult conversations, organizational change, conflict, and high-pressure situations, I see something in sports that often gets overlooked. At the highest levels of competition, talent is rarely the differentiator. Everyone i

Recently, I’ve been reliving a traumatic experience. And I mean that quite literally. Something in my present is the exact problem I struggled with in my past, and my nervous system has been revisiting the old experience in real time. It has been disturbing. There’s no doubt about that. But it has also been incredibly healing. Not because the experience is easy. Not because I’ve figured out some magical way to bypass the discomfort. But because this time, I am resourced enoug

For most of my life, I thought reactivity was productivity. I didn’t call it that at the time, of course. I called it… Being driven. Being responsive. Being efficient. Being passionate. Being ambitious. But underneath all of that was a nervous system that had become deeply accustomed to urgency. A pattern that was quietly undermining my happiness, my success, and my health. And despite knowing better for years, I couldn’t do better. An idea would come to me, and I’d inst

Our nervous systems are constantly working for us. Enabling us to type on our computers (or thumb through our phones). Pumping blood throughout our bodies. Making sure we have the right resources for the moment we are facing. In truth, that last part - providing the right resources to face the situation - is an area where we have room for growth. Our autonomic nervous system manages our survival functions. It makes sure we breathe, digest food, distributes oxygen throughout

A personal story about a tense HOA conversation, the nervous system’s pull toward being “right,” and how a clean apology and intentional repair can strengthen relationships—even when the stakes feel high.

Last week, I wasn’t at meetings or crossing off my to-do list. I was in bed - sick, tired, and reminded of a lesson I keep learning, sometimes accepting the challenge means letting go. It can look like saying no. Asking for help. Receiving help. Prioritizing rest and basic needs instead of pushing through to meet everyone else’s. That is not quitting; it’s clarity. It’s kindness. It’s courage. The Question I Ask Every Year In my annual planning workshop, there’s a reflection

Some years start with crisp plans and fresh notebooks…and end with a pile of should’ves. Mine did. In 2017, right after publishing A Misfit Entrepreneur’s Guide to Building a Business Your Way , I mapped bold programs and growth goals. I was energized, clear, and ready. And then I wasn’t. A wave of unprocessed, complex trauma pulled me under. Tasks that used to be simple, sending a newsletter, attending a networking event, pitching a perspective client, felt like climbing a c

The other day, on the walk from my daughter’s school to the car, we overheard a teenager listing her instruments: “I know how to play piano. I know how to play clarinet…” My daughter, who’s been studying piano for 5 years, looked up and asked, “What does it mean to know how to play the piano?” Such a simple question. Such a revealing one. We say “I know” as if there’s a finish line. But most meaningful skills don’t work that way. Knowledge expands. Context shifts. Our craft