I was recently talking with a friend who upon starting a new job was instantly triggered by her boss’s, well bossy behavior. I totally get it, I’m self-employed by choice. I’ve had my share of bad bosses. Like everyone else, I reach a point where people just annoy me.
But at the end of the day, we still have to get along. Fixating on someone’s less-then-desirable qualities only makes their annoying behavior more pronounced. After all, people generally have a tendency towards confirmation bias. That means, unchecked, we often look for evidence that confirms our judgments and beliefs.
As the conversation with my friend progressed, one question kept popping into my mind that wouldn’t go away, what can you do to humanize your boss?
Sure, she might tick a lot of the boxes of annoying things bosses say or day. But she too, is a person. When we fixate on labeling other people and judging them, we take away their humanity. It’s like we are saying, you’re a boss therefore you most be perfect!
In reality, being human means messing up, making mistakes, saying the wrong thing, taking things personally that aren’t…it’s part of how we learn. And as long as you fixate on all their negative qualities, you’re denying that person who annoys you, be it a boss, a friend, an employee, a colleague, etc. the space to learn and grow.
So, here are 4 reflection questions to help you shift from labeling to humanizing that annoying person in your life!
If you put yourself in their shoes, how might you see things differently?
What if their behavior is not personal?
What can you do differently to show more compassion to this person?
Having trouble connecting with their humanity…Why do you think that is the case?
Most people don’t want to have a negative impact on other’s, in fact their intentions might be the opposite. It could just be that they are completely unaware of the negative impact their behavior has on you. Or they are having a really bad day and need someone to cut them some slack. Either way, try to step back from judgement and step into compassion by connecting with them as fellow, imperfect, well-meaning humans – ya know, just like you!
What’s Rosabella Consulting Up To?
In addition to working on a number of top secret projects, shh can’t tell you about those. But we are pleased to share the long-standing impact a Conversational Intelligence training can have. Last year, Ariana conducted a C-IQ training with the United Way of Larimer County. A year later, this is what they had to say about the experience…
“Our Conversational Intelligence training with Ariana catalyzed improvements in communication that vastly increased the overall level of trust within our organization. Morale improved with increased communication and the level of turnover significantly decreased. I highly recommend Ariana and Rosabella Consulting’s services.” Diane Hathaway – VP of Operations, United Way of Larimer County