How to Navigate Overly Negative People

Most of us have worked with someone whose negativity overshadows everything else. For one of my clients, this showed up in the form of her boss. Every time her phone rang and saw his name pop up, her first thought was, “Oh no, what did I do wrong this time?”

The constant stream of criticism and rework of tasks she’d been doing left her feeling disempowered and drained. And yet, as we worked together, she realized an important truth: she couldn’t change her boss. What she could change was how she responded.

The Brain’s Pattern-Making Machine

Contrary to popular belief, our emotions are not universal. As neuroscientist Lisa Feldman Barrett has shown, emotions are predictive. They are shaped by our early relationships and experiences, and they form patterns that influence how we respond today.

If we’ve repeatedly had negative experiences with someone, our brain predicts more of the same. So when the boss calls, the body braces for attack. We armor up, close ourselves off, and the interaction unfolds exactly as we feared.

Breaking that cycle starts with recognizing the pattern and choosing to stay open to the possibility of a different outcome. 

The trigger-reaction loop is a helpful tool for recognizing such patterns. Once we are aware of our patterned reactions to certain types of experiences, we can shift from automatic reactions to responding intentionally. 

You Can’t Control Them, Only Yourself

It’s natural to want a difficult boss or coworker to change. I’ve spent countless hours listening to people who desperately want to fix someone who’s overly negative or difficult. The opportunities for growth seem so obvious when looking at another’s irritating behavior. 

But the truth is, we don’t control whether someone shows up negative, critical, or kind. The only thing within our control is how we engage.

Yes, our mirror neurons make it easy to catch someone else’s emotional state. But with intention, we can step back, give ourselves compassion, and decide what energy we allow in.

In order to reclaim control within you might pause before reacting - taking a deep breath is one way to interrupt a knee-jerk reaction. You may decide to release your frustrations privately rather than spewing at the problematic person - like writing in a journal or speaking candidly with a trusted friend.

Ultimately, you have the power to choose not to internalize their negativity.

Boundaries Protect Your Energy

Boundaries are essential when dealing with a consistently negative person. Contrary to common misconceptions, boundaries are less about what the other person does or doesn’t do and more about how you respond to them.

So, instead of saying, “You cannot talk to me that way.” A true boundary is, “I will only remain in this conversation if we speak to each other respectfully.” And then, if someone starts yelling or saying demeaning things, you remove yourself from the conversation. 

Sometimes, like in the case of my client, she couldn’t remove herself from the negative

interactions with her boss. So, her boundary was emotional - she would acknowledge the impacts of her boss's behavior without internalizing the negativity as a reflection on her.

For internalizers (like me), who tend to take on responsibility that isn’t theirs, emotional boundaries are especially powerful. We can show up with care and support, but we don’t have to carry the weight of another person’s unhappiness.

Another boundary is to limit the time you give to someone who’s pervasively negative. This might look like shortening your interactions. It also means not carrying the negativity forward by complaining about the person or situation later and letting yourself get fired up about it. 

Reclaiming Your Agency

When negativity feels constant, it can seem like a no-win situation. Do it your way, you’re wrong. Do it their way, you’re still wrong.

The way forward is to reclaim your agency. Remember:

• Someone else’s criticism does not define your worth.

• Their negativity reflects more on them than it does on you.

• Your responsibility is to fulfill your role, not to endlessly react to someone else’s manufactured crisis.

  
  

By letting go of what’s outside your control, you create space to show up with intention, resilience, and self-worth intact. Because at the end of the day, your worth isn’t determined by someone else’s opinion. 

The choice is yours

Through our work together, my client was able to navigate her situation with less stress and negativity bleeding over into the rest of her life. It also enabled her to be more productive and less overwhelmed by the chaos of the day-to-day. Her boss didn’t change. She did. 

My client stopped fixating on the stories her brain immediately made up when stressors arose. Instead, she noticed the thoughts and chose curiosity over armoring up. And because she was less defensive from the get-go, she was able to roll with whatever came up while remaining positive herself.

Dealing with an overly negative person isn’t about fixing them, it’s about grounding yourself. By recognizing patterns, holding boundaries, and reclaiming your agency, you free yourself from the cycle of negativity.

If you’ve found value in what I wrote here and you want to support me in continuing to create, guide, write, and make space for deeper transformation, I invite you to buy me a tea.

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