Future Leaders Need to do This, and NOW!

Why shifting from reactivity to responsiveness is non-negotiable

“My boss really needs to get better at identifying his triggers.”

That’s what a friend recently told me as she shared, yet again, how difficult her boss had become.

She wasn’t being flippant. After years of working with him, she had noticed a clear pattern. 

When stress hit, he would lash out. Set impossible deadlines. Demand urgent pivots.

Micromanage decisions that were already made. Her entire team would brace for the ripple effect. And she, trying her best to be a steadying force, would go into what she called “containment mode.”

She couldn’t just ignore his behavior. But she also couldn’t react directly without putting her team at risk. So she walked a delicate line: validate what she could, buy time, and promise to revisit things later, without making commitments she couldn’t keep.

This is not just a story about one difficult boss. It’s a reflection of something I’m seeing more and more:

The most important leadership skill of our time is the ability to regulate our nervous systems.

When Reactivity Rules, Everything Suffers

Her boss was under pressure. The stress was real. That’s understandable. But because he didn’t have the tools, or the self-awareness, to manage his internal experience, his reactions created chaos.

Instead of pausing, he panicked.

Instead of collaborating, he commanded.

Instead of inspiring focus, he fueled fear.

And fear-based leadership is incredibly costly. It not only demoralizes people, it derails productivity and undermines long-term strategy. My friend’s team couldn’t stay focused on their goals because the target kept moving - dictated not by the company’s actual needs, but by their leader’s dysregulated nervous system.

The Trigger-Reaction Loop: How It Works

Let’s break the pattern down.

When we’re triggered - by a stressful email, a missed deadline, a harsh tone, a disappointing quarterly earnings report or lost funding - we experience a stimulus.

That stimulus activates our physiological stress response: our heart races, our palms sweat, we feel a knot in our stomach or a lump in our throat. Then come the thoughts - the meaning we assign to the moment.

“This is a disaster.”

“I’m failing.”

“I need to fix everything right now or else.”

Those thoughts feed our behavior. 

And when we act from that state - whether through micromanaging, stonewalling, snapping, or controlling - we deepen the loop. We stay stuck in reactivity. And worse, we pull others in with us.

That’s what happened with my friend’s boss. A bad financial meeting triggered panic. He spun into a story about needing to fix everything immediately. He barked out new orders, shifted priorities, and imposed unrealistic expectations. Not because he was being strategic, but because he was scared.

Self-Regulation Is a Leadership Responsibility

When a leader can’t regulate themselves, someone else has to absorb the impact. In this case, it was my friend. She had to stabilize the team, reframe the panic, and protect people from burning out.

She acknowledged her role as, “just taking it.” And luckily, she was able to self-regulate rather than get sucked into the trigger-reaction loop too. 

Eventually, her boss would calm down. Sometimes he’d even apologize. But not before wasting hours, morale, and even dollars on rash decisions made from fear instead of focus.

This happens far too often in today’s workplaces, and the stakes are only getting higher.

We’re Leading in a Time of Constant Pressure

We are all under more pressure than ever. It’s not just our young people who are feeling it - though they’re definitely navigating immense stress, thanks to social media and unrealistic expectations. It’s all of us.

In fact, between 2021 and 2023, burnout rose in nearly two-thirds of workplaces. And our rising generation is carrying a particularly heavy load. Gen Z shows up as high achievers, fueled by drive and determination. Yet more than half of them (53.7%) report low satisfaction – a signal of looming disengagement and burnout. Their impressive performance comes at a cost, one that isn’t sustainable without meaningful support and change.

We’re all overwhelmed by information.

Exhausted by decision fatigue.

Running on emotional reserves that, according to leading research on emotional intelligence, are already depleted.

According to Six Seconds’ State of the Heart report, global emotional intelligence has been declining for four consecutive years. The most dramatic drop came in 2019. While the rate of decline has slowed since then, the trend continues, even in our post-pandemic era.

Overall, average emotional intelligence has fallen by 5.54% since 2019.

And with the acceleration of AI and other emerging technologies, the volume of stimuli is only increasing.

That’s why now, more than ever, we need leaders who can manage their triggers - not leaders who cause more of them.

The True Cost of Unregulated Leadership

Let’s be blunt: reactivity is expensive.

It costs time, money, energy, and trust.

It creates churn. Burnout. Confusion.

It sends people running in circles instead of moving forward.

A leader’s unchecked reaction can send an entire department down a fruitless path, chasing unrealistic timelines or pivoting away from promising strategies because panic - not purpose - is at the wheel.

We need a different approach.

What Future-Ready Leaders Must Practice

We need leaders who can:

• Recognize when they’re being triggered

• Pause long enough to regulate before reacting

• Interrupt old stories that no longer serve their’s or the collective's needs

• Invite collaboration instead of issuing commands when faced with solving complex problems

• Move from urgency to intentionality

• Model emotional maturity for their teams

This is what it means to shift from reactive leadership to responsive leadership.

HBR recently published a leadership article titled, Now Is the Time for Courage. In it, the authors explain the 5 strategies for courageous leadership identified through years of research. And you know what? Each of those strategies points back to nervous system regulation! This choice is a necessity. 

The Skill That Will Set the Best Leaders Apart

This entire reflection was sparked by a question from my mentor (and former graduate advisor), Dr. Tony Middlebrooks. Her recently posed this question to his MBA students:

What is the most essential leadership skill of the future?

For me, the answer is clear:

The ability to regulate your nervous system.

It’s not glamorous.

But it will determine whether your leadership sustains or burns out.

Because the world isn’t going to get less stimulating.

Despite that, we can learn to lead ourselves - and others - with greater steadiness, discernment, and care, despite the chaos swirling around us.

That’s the work. That’s the opportunity.

And it starts with you.

If you’ve found value in what I wrote here and you want to support me in continuing to create, guide, write, and make space for deeper transformation, I invite you to buy me a tea.

Buy Me a Tea