Capacity Isn’t a Character Flaw

I’ve lived with chronic illnesses my whole life. Even with decades of practice listening to my body, there are still seasons when my energy narrows without my consent. The to-do list multiplies. The world turns up the volume. And the instinct, mine and so many leaders I coach, is to push harder. Optimize. Squeeze more in.

Lately, I’m remembering a different move - accept the challenge by embracing reality. Not with resignation, but with clarity.

When “do more” is the water we swim in

We’re praised for juggling. We’re told to streamline, optimize, and hustle. We compare ourselves to how others appear to be operating, without knowing their backstory, and then judge our worth by their highlight reel.

Here’s the truth I keep returning to - time, money, energy, emotional bandwidth, and attention are finite. For all of us. Pretending otherwise doesn’t make us stronger; it makes us depleted and ineffective. And when we overextend, the quality of our contribution drops right along with our capacity.

First, know thy capacity

I recently talked about the importance of making commitments based on our capacity to my daughter, when I explained for the umpteenth time, why we couldn’t fulfill her lofty plans. If you have one four-cup mason jar and you made five cups of spaghetti sauce, it doesn’t matter how delicious that extra cup is, you can’t preserve it in that jar. You can make six cups or ten cups of yummy marinara sauce, but if you only have one four-cup jar, that’s your limit.

Our lives work the same way. We each have a jar. Some weeks our capacity is greater - you’re sleeping well, everyone in your house is healthy, and stressors are limited. Some weeks it’s smaller - you’re tired, you’re caregiving, and on top of the normal stuff you suddenly have a water leak to deal with. 

The work is not to shame the jar, it’s to know the limits and make conscious choices as a result.

Most of us need to first get clarity around what our capacity actually is. As a rule of thumb, people tend to overestimate what they can do in a day and underestimate what they can accomplish over time. 

How many of us have not completed everything on our to do list in a day despite our best intentions and efforts? Me too!

The key to having an accurate perception of one’s capacity is to measure it. Simple exercises like time and energy tracking give us a more accurate picture of our capacity. 

I might want to complete my weekly newsletter in 30 min, but that’s not a realistic goal based on the data I have available to me. I need time to draft my ideas first. Then another sitting to refine my message. That doesn’t include finding reference links, etc. Despite my efforts to streamline the process (thanks to Jufel, my wonderful VA) while maintaining the quality of this newsletter, I still need to be willing to commit a few hours a week. 

Letting go on purpose vs. letting things drop

With a more accurate understanding of what our capacity is, we can plan within reason and adapt to the natural ebbs and flows of life. After all, our best looks different day by day depending on a variety of factors that influence our capacity.

In seasons of strain, something will give. We can either choose what to release, or we can let our nervous systems make the choice for us when we short-circuit. I’d rather make the hard decision myself than increase my risks by making a non-decision.

Right now, my health is asking for more of me. I wish I could push through like nothing changed. I can’t. So I’m setting some things down, on purpose, so I don’t lose what I care about most by default.

I’ve cancelled plans (did anyone notice that the 2026 Annual Planning Workshop disappeared?). I’ve renegotiated commitments (I’ll get back to you about that in two weeks). I’ve freed up time. And I’ve set new boundaries for my work this quarter. All in the name of honoring my capacity. 

The side benefit of these conscious choices is not being surprised by dropping balls that shatter in my face (read create unnecessary stress that consumes my capacity). Because I’m letting go of things on purpose.

The leadership move isn’t efficiency, it’s priority

When we continually strive to push harder and over-extend ourselves, we find ourselves stuck in an endless cycle of never enough while chugging coffee to just get through the day. Then we wake up the next day finding ourselves still exhausted and overwhelmed.

Accepting the challenge in front of you might mean getting uncomfortably specific about what actually counts right now.

• What truly moves the mission?

• What can wait?

• What belongs to someone else?

  
  

Saying no (or not now) isn’t failure. It’s stewardship. It’s how we protect what matters most so we can offer our best, not our leftovers.

Three ways to identify and work within your real capacity

Now that we all agree, we humans have our limits. It’s time to identify your capacity so you can work within it (rather than making plans based on wishful thinking or people pleasing - it’s true honoring your capacity means saying no to others when you’re accustomed to saying yes).

1. What are your non-negotiables?

Start by making a list of things that are non-negotiable in your work and life. Include responsibilities like parenting, maintaining your home, sleeping, eating, etc. Get specific, if you’re the one who does school pick-up, include that as a non-negotiable. If you’re like me and need a bit of time and space to center, meditation and exercise are non-negotiables. For each item, write down the amount of time it will take. 

Add up the amount of time your daily non-negotiables take and subtract from 24 hours. You just identified one of your critical capacity limits. 

Of course, some non-negotiables do not happen daily - like invoicing and bookkeeping for me are monthly non-negotiables. Make note of more sporadic non-negotiables so you keep those in mind as you plan out your weeks, months and the year ahead. 

2. How much time, money, and energy does it really take?

Embrace the practice of tracking your time, and energy. You can make this a special project for at least a week (preferably 2 to gain a sense of common consistencies). Every 15-30 min answer the questions - What are you doing? How long does it take?

To track your energy, every few hours make note of how you feel throughout the day. Simply noting if your energy is high, medium, or low does the trick. You might even want to make note of what’s happening that could correlate with your energy levels (i.e. I feel the afternoon slump worse on days I drink coffee). 

When you track you can see patterns in your internal resources and productivity habits. Getting an accurate assessment of your time and energy enables you to plan with greater attention to the details that matter moving forward. 

It’s helpful to revisit time and energy tracking in different seasons of work and life. In fact, tracking time, energy, habits (a topic for another day), etc. can be part of an intentional reset.

3. What are your top 5 priorities?

You have to exercise your prioritization muscles routinely in order to get better at making conscious choices within your capacity. I like to think of this as - what are the top 5 things I need to get done today to go to bed tonight knowing the important stuff was handled? 

Everyday I plan my big 5. For me this list includes non-negotiables that I need accountability to prioritize like exercise. In fact, I almost always include a form of self-care along with work priorities and personal responsibilities to intentionally navigate the complexity of my whole life. On days I’m traveling for work or facilitating a retreat I’ll include drinking plenty of water and movement on my big 5 because I need to consciously prioritize these things. 

Setting priorities on a daily basis helps us to use that same muscle when we are looking at the big picture of our lives and work. And if this is hard, you’re not alone - this is an oft overlooked skill we must learn and develop. When struggling to do this activity, I advise clients to prioritize in retropect - look back at your day and name the top 5 priorities you did ( including things that were priorities but not completed). 

Consciously naming daily priorities also enables us to get clearer around the limiting beliefs and fears that hold us back. Like people pleasing, FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), or shoulding all over ourselves (ever read an article about the 5 things the most successful people do before 10am and forced their system on yourself?).

Who do you want to be at the edge?

At some point, we will all hit the wall. The edge of our limits can be a wise teacher. It invites a better question than “How do I cram more in?” 

Who do I want to be here? This is the penultimate question that guides our choices.

Because when we stop stuffing the jar, our work regains its weight. Our relationships get our attention. And our impact deepens, not because we did more, but because we did what mattered.

If you’ve found value in what I wrote here and you want to support me in continuing to create, guide, write, and make space for deeper transformation, I invite you to buy me a tea.

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