The other week, I experienced a trigger that set off a trauma response in my body. In an instant, I was flooded with overwhelming emotions. My mind spiraled into a narrative of self-doubt and insecurity. My heart raced, my gut clenched, my breath became shallow. I felt like I was sinking—frozen in place, completely unsafe. In that moment, I was all-consumed.
In the past, this particular trauma-response would have completely derailed me. Setting me off course for days or longer as I internalized the story of fear as a sign of my ultimate failure. Instead of staying true to my plans and intentions, I’d self-sabotage, losing my momentum and progress. Like a video game resetting from a power surge, all the data lost so I was back at the beginning instead of near the finish.
But, this time, I noticed it. I recognized what was happening. This was my trauma response, not my truth. And that awareness? That’s where I found my power.
Recognizing the Trauma Response
For me, a trauma response often looks like freezing—my body locks up, my thoughts become harsh and self-destructive, and I get stuck in a loop of replaying the situation like a movie on repeat. It’s intense, and it’s a pattern I’ve come to understand over the years. But recognizing it as an automatic reaction rather than reality allows me to create space for a shift.
The brain is wired for survival. When the amygdala perceives a threat—whether real or not—it hijacks the nervous system, pulling us into fight, flight, freeze, or appease. It’s automatic, habitual, and deeply ingrained. But here’s the thing: we don’t have to stay stuck there.
Bringing Awareness and Compassion
Once I named what was happening, I leaned on my tools. First, self-compassion. I reminded myself that this response was old, familiar, and rooted in past experiences—not the present. That I wasn’t broken. And I was safe.
Next, I practiced heart-focused breathing. I consciously slowed my breath, deepening my inhales and exhales to shift my nervous system from survival mode into regulation. When my mind wandered, I focused on my heart-breath to help me not get caught up in stories of doom and gloom.
Last, I did a movement practice. This helped me fully redirect from my old pattern of doom and gloom into the present moment by getting out of my head, reconnecting with my body and completing the shift from reactive to regulated. In this instance, a yoga class helped me further ground, allowing my body to release tension while feeling the connection of community. Other times, a more energetic outlet—like a workout or dance party—is what brings me back into myself. The key for me is to break free from the freeze response. And what I need to do that depends on how deeply ingrained the old pattern is.
Rewriting the Patterns
The more I practice when I’m regulated, the more accessible these tools become when I’m dysregulated. That’s the beauty of neuroplasticity—our brains can change. The old, self-protective habits that once ruled my reactions don’t have to drive my behavior. I can thank my inner protectors for the role they played in keeping me safe in the past without getting sucked into the story of fear they’re telling me at the moment. I’ve got this now.
The Struggle with Trauma Responses is Real
I share this because it’s important for leaders to know that a trauma response can happen to anyone. You can appear “normal” on the outside and struggle with a trauma response that’s unseen to others. If I hadn’t shared this experience with you, you wouldn’t know about the struggles I’ve endured. It’s possible others you know are silently suffering - a little understanding and support can make a huge difference.
And it’s important for anyone that’s struggled with trauma like me to know they’re not alone. To see that it’s possible to not stay stuck in a fear-based loop of misdirected self-protection that’s actually causing you more stress and anxiety. It’s not easy work - so if it feels hard, that’s ok, show yourself some compassion and keep going. But it is possible to rewrite the patterns you’ve felt stuck in and that’s freeing.
Shifting from Survival to Thriving
If you find yourself in a similar spiral, try this:
Name the trigger. What set this off?
Name the trauma response. Are you freezing? Fighting? Fleeing? Appeasing?
Pause and bring in support. What tools help you regulate? What enables you to shift out of reactive mode to bring your executive brain and heart back online? What helps you feel safe in your body?
The key is recognizing that these self-protective patterns are just that—patterns. They’re not permanent. They’re not who you are. And with awareness, compassion, and intentional practice, they can change.
The path isn’t always easy, but it’s worth it. Because we are capable of healing, of growth, of stepping out of survival mode and into a life where we can truly thrive. And that’s the work I’m committed to—showing up for myself, leaning on my tools, and choosing, again and again, to be present, to be kind to myself, and to trust that I am safe.
And there’s a good chance you are too. We’ve got this.
Struggling to maintain equanimity because of external burdens? Boundaries are self-care! Join me for the next FREE Asserting Compassionate Boundaries When Tested Workshop on Friday, April 4th. Stay Confident, Respected, and at Peace—Especially in Challenging Situations!
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